I Would Cry
by eremiticAntiquarian
Summary: Yami Bakura realizes his mistakes but is it too late? shounen ai, kinda dark but fluffy too. Don't be fooled by the summary, i just suck at them!


Pluto: Don't own it, wish I did.

Charon: Oh my! What if she did own it?!

Neptune: She never could, all she has is anime figures, manga, and some DVDs

Pluto: I thought I told you not to tell them about them! Now they could take it away! *sweatdrops* This contains shonen ai. Don't know what it is? You better leave.

  
  
  
  
  
Bakura's POV  
**Yami Bakura's POV**  
_lyrics_  
  
  
  
**|||I Would Cry|||**

  
  
  
  
I truthfully thought that I could never look at myself again. I didn't want to see all the bruises, scars, or blood covering my body. Then again, I never thought that you would leave either. I prayed silently to every god possible that you would just leave me alone and go away. My friends, if you can really call them that, never trusted me because of you.

My fingers trail across my abdomen. The raised scar will always remind me of you and that damned glass coffee table. How could I have been so weak around you? You somehow made me forget that I ever had any pride every time you forced me to look into your eyes and then smacked me down.

When I look at my hair, all I can remember is how hard it was to get all the dryed blood out night after night. What really puzzles me though is why, after all the things you have put me through, I can still forgive you. Actually, I know why. I am just, as always, afraid.

As I enter the living room, I flop down on the couch. I stare for a while at the blank T.V. The house is so empty now. This is going to sound sick but, I miss having to worry about dents in the walls or cleaning up my blood before it stains. Hell, I even miss your fist connecting with my face and flying through the air. Well no, its not that that I miss. What I miss, out of anything and most of all, is your presence. My Yami.

  
  
_---Its been a long, long time since I looked into a mirror  
I guess that I was blind  
Now my reflection's getting clearer  
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again---_

  
  
**When I finally realized exactly what I was doing to you, it was far too late. You'd never be able to look at me without fear or hate in your eyes and I knew it. Staring at my hands causes me so much guilt. All I can think of is all the pain that I have caused you. What have I done?**

All those days I spent with you I was too thick-headed to see that you were the first person to actually care about me. By Ra, I don't know if I could have been more blind than that. You always smiled a sweet smile at me even if I had just punched you into a wall. Oh Ra, your smile. If I could only see your innocent, beautiful face once without fear in it. Damn, you can't possibly know what you do to me.

Since I first came out of that ring, I have experienced so many new emotions. I had no clue what to do with them. All I previously knew was anger, hate, and distrust. For Isis's sake! I was so confused. I didn't know what to do in this new world. How in the world did Yami Yugi adjust so well? I took my anger and confusion out on you, Ryou. I finally realize this and poof, I can't be around you any longer because I am afraid of hurting you.

There is really only two things I can do now. I am afraid of doing either one of them. The first one is to stay away from you for eternity and put myself through the hell of being apart from you. The second is go back to you. Either way, I can honestly and with all my heart tell you now that I, Yami Bakura, am madly and obsessivly in love with you. What I would give to say that to your face. My Hikari.

  
  
_---There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day  
You're such a part of me  
But I just pulled away  
Well, I'm not the same boy you used to know  
I wish I said the words I never showed---_

  
  
  
Night comes, almost too fast. I crawl into my bed and pull the silk sheets up above my head. My hands meet a cold metal object underneath my pillow. Without even looking I can feel what it is. The Millenium Ring. Yami, Why did you leave me? I feel imcomplete now, half of me is gone. Even Jounouchi noticed that I was more down than usual. They thought that you did something worse to me. When I told them that you left, they rejoiced. Can you believe that? REJOICED!

I think you were starting to wear off on me. When they did say that I should be happy that you were gone, I narrowed my eyes to take on yours and let out a growl. Then you know what I did then? Oh c'mon guess. I spit at them and pushed them all to the side and continued walking along. Yugi then started chasing after to me. This is what really tells me that you are a permanent part of me. I pushed him up against the wall and gave him a nice fist to the face.

"How would you like it if _your_ Yami left _you_ today," I growled out at him.

I walked away smirking. I know that you would have been proud. You always tell me that I need to stand up for myself. Well I finally did. I.. uh.. I just wish you were there to see it. Maybe pat me on the back and congradulate me. Or even better, hold me in your arms and tell me that everything would be okay. Oh god, listen to me now. I sound like a lovesick puppy.

I bury my face deep into my pillow. I start humming a nameless tune and think of my own lyrics to it. It was slow and smooth. My voice didn't fit it right but I kept singing anyway. Tears broke from my eyes and soaked into my pillow. Why do I do this to myself? And in the name of Ra! How in the world can he make me feel this way? I started screaming out the lyrics as if he could hear me.

"I hurt myself because of you, over and over; But my love didn't go away--it kept coming back. The toughness gained from my damage is unbelievable. I won't be able to sleep at all tonight either. However many times it's repeated, It revives again and again--because it's love. You can't blame my emotion, Because you should know it will never fade away. When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away."

I finally succumbed to my tears and said the last parts, choking. I pulled my knees up underneath me while my face was still in the pillow. I pushed the pillow more into my face and screamed into it with every last ounce of breath and strength that I had in me. My chest hurt so much and the pain just refused to go away. There was only one way to stop it, and that was to have you come back to me, My Yami.

  
  
_---I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need---_

  
  
**Ryou-chan, I am right here. I am outside of your house looking up at your window on the second story. If there was some way I could bring up hidden courage within me, I would walk right into your room and bury my face in your lap. I would bawl and plead for you to forgive me until I was blue in the face. I would, I could. But this dark nagging feeling in the back of my head says that you will never forgive me. **

Leaving your house, I sit on the park bench over-looking Odaiba Bay. It really is beautiful. I wish you were here to share this moment with me. The closest I will ever come to doing that is in my dreams though. I sigh deeply and my breath shows clearly on this cool Autumn night. Hikari, I surrender my soul to you. Do what you wish to it. Hurt me, love me, whatever you choose I will accept and support.

I miss everything about you. Your soft silver hair fragrented by apples. Those brown eyes of yours could make me melt in an instant. I can't stand not being by you. I have to talk to someone, anyone. Preferably you. Impossible. I stand and start walking toward my destination. I need some counciling and help. The only thing I can hope for is acceptance. By both you, Ryou, and my secret guidence.

I'd do anything right now, even this. I don't even bother to knock on the door. I don't wish to wake up anyone else. The only person who knows Ryou more than Ryou is him. I push open the door to his room and move over to his bed. I sit down and lean over him and give him a little nudge and whisper his name. He sits straight up in fear and his head bangs against mine. Baka!

"Ya-yami Bakura! What do you want? I'll call up my Yami if you don't leave now," He screamed at me, "I know that it was you who did that to me, Ryou could have never even thought about something like that!"

"Hush, hush, Yugi. I am not here to harm you in anyway. In fact, I need your help desperatly. First though, what are you talking about. What did Ryou do?"

He glanced over me carefully then pointed to his left eye. It was black and swollen. I gasped. Ryou did that? My precious, innocent, little Hikari did something like that to one of his own friends. Yugi must have realized by my reaction that it really was Ryou. I rested a hand on my shoulder gently.

"Go back to him, Bakura. We all knew what you were doing to him. He told us you left and we were happy. He spat at all of us and ran away. When I caught up... He punched me for being happy. He was... Ryou was crying... for you."

I hung my head, "I don't deserve his tears."

"Go to him," and that was Yugi's last words before crawling back under his covers and closing his eyes again.

I left him then and started off towards Ryou's house, my home. I choked back tears as I neared it more and more. What was I gonna say?

  
  
_---I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me---_

  
  
**My hand tembled against the cold metal of the door knob. I stood outside his house and cryed inside myself. I forced myself to open the door. Again, Ryou forgot to lock it. The lights were off throughout the house except one. I made my way up the stairs towards it because it is his room. Stalling at that door, I finally pushed it fully open and gasped.**

There he lay on his bed. His face gently against the pillow faced me and had the most serene look on it. Ryou's silver locks spread out like a crown around him and only added on to his beauty. His soft pale body rising and falling with his slow and peaceful breaths. He was completely nude against his cranberry colored sheets. It was then that I could fully see the damage I had done to him over time.

I tip-toed to his bed, as to not wake the sleeping angel. I knelt down beside his bed and rested my head on a side in front of his as to look into his closed eyes. I wanted so much to just touch him and take him then and there as my own. I wanted to claim his whole essence as mine. I tried to hold myself back. Everything remained silent as my fingers crawled across scar after scar on his abdomen and chest. I couldn't hold back those tears anymore.

Burying my face in the bed my hand continued to gently stroke over his body. I never knew he actually had this much muscle. My heart had sped up gradually ever since I walked into the room and had now begun pounding. It was the only thing I could hear other than his breathing.

  
  
_---You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart  
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true  
But I was scared and left it all behind---_

  
  
The sun started leaking in through my silk curtains. I can't remember when I had actually fallen asleep but I had just gotten out of the shower and dryed my hair. Sometime after I must have flopped out on my bed. I stood up and gripped the curtains. The silk slipped through my fingers and I found myself on the floor. Curling up in a ball, I began sobbing and called out as if someone could hear me and answer my prayers for my cure of lonliness. Nothing happened. Then again, why would it. I am cursed by all those who have ever known me. Because within me is a vengeful spirit... was...

So I don't know what happened really all day. I think that I just layed there in my fetal posistion and cried. When the tears ran dry I believe I just sobbed. Something in me knew I was going to catch a cold. I had only slipped on a pair of boxers and nothing more. What did I care? What did anyone care about me?

Sure Yugi and his Yami may be sweet, and the rest all show they care in differant ways but none of them really matter to me. None of them care about me the way I want to be cared about. Obviously none of them are the one I want to be loved by either. I started to shiver and before I knew it everything went completely black.

  
  
_---I know you had to go away  
I died just and little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need---_

  
  
**Of coarse I knew something was wrong. Something is always wrong in this crazy world that I now live in. I don't know what I am doing here. I suppose that even though there is no place to go I didn't have to pick this alley to sleep in. My first clue of something not right was probably the lightning flash of pain straight through my chest. The pain only came when you are in trouble.**

The second I got up to move, a strong hand pushed me back down. A deep voice wispered word forcefully to me. I couldn't make them out through all the thoughts about Ryou in my head. My head hit against the brick wall behind me and I soon felt warm sticky wetness leaking from the place that trobbed. I knew I was bleeding. I brought my head up to look into the eyes of the offender. A shadowed face with emerald colored eyes was all I could make out. I was almost too weak to fight him back.

A second shot of pain ran through me, but not only my heart this time. My entire body shivered and my knees almost buckled as I ran from that alley. I had to get to him. He was in trouble and I had to get to him fast. I had already wasted way too much time taking care of that pervert back there. One of my hands tightly grasped the ring around my neck and the other swung fiercly back and forth as my speed picked up.

The pain was worse each time it came and it kept coming faster and faster. The intervals gave me just enough rest to make it as far as a familiar doorstep before I couldn't go any further. One hand of mine reached up to a oblong white button on the game shop door. It took all my remaining strength just to push it enough to have it make a sound. After a minute the door slowly opened and Yami Yugi stood over me. I heard him growl, but I ignored it.

"Ryou... is... pain... hurt... help... him..."

That was all I could get out before succumbing to the pain and the darkness.

  
  
_---I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me---_

  
  
Just how long I was wanding around in the darkness, I can't say. All I knew was that I was scared and that I was completely alone. There had been no other time in which I longed for my Yami more than that. I finally stopped walking, if you could call it that. There was no ground where I was. I suppose that I assumed the sitting position and hugged my knees to my chest. I wanted someone near me.

Sharp pain had been shooting through my body since I got here. Some pain killers would have been very nice then. When I started hearing the voice I thought that I was seriously going insane. Then I began to hear it more clearly. It was Yugi calling out my name. I squeezed my eyes shut, I had to pin point what direction it was coming from. When I slowly open my eyes I saw Yugi and his Yami standing over me. Yami Yugi was re-wetting a cloth for my forehead.

Yugi smile at me, "Welcome back, Ryou-kun."

  
  
_---And I'm asking  
And I'm wanting you  
To come back to me, please?---_

  
  
I cringed as an ice cold heat spread over me like a wave starting at my feet. I shivered at it and I noticed my sweat glands start acting up more. I let my head fall to the right of me and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Upon opening them I met the soft gaze of eyes the same as mine, yet not. They were my Yami's!

I sat up quickly, definatly too fast. I immediatly felt the effect of my mistake. My head started to spin and I fell back against the soft pillow I was against. I gasped for a breath. I seemed to be back in my room. My Yami's hand came up and I flinched. I knew what was to come for being so weak. It never came. His finger softly rested on my lips to quiet me. His eyes were so gentle that tears started flowing freely out of my eyes.

My wish could possibly be coming true. My Yami was caring and gentle. I figured that it had to be a dream, but soon came to find out that it wasn't. You don't feel pain in dreams and things are nearly as visually clear as they were. I looked directly into his eyes, something I ususally came to regret. Not that time, though. His eyes were soft and concerned. I really couldn't believe that this was really my Yami. I suddenly panicked, was he going to leave again, soon?

  
  
_---I never will forget that look upon your face  
How you turned away and left without a trace  
But I understand that you did what you had to do  
And I thank you---_

  
  
**"Yami..." he started but got cut off.**

"Ryou, shh. You need your rest," I brushed a strand of hair off of his face.

"Ok. But promise not to run off while I'm asleep."

I nodded at him and he let his eyelids fall down and sleep take over. I layed an arm over his body. I wouldn't let him go and for sure would NOT run away again. I couldn't live with myself if I did that to him again. I realized that me not being here caused him much more pain that me actually being here. I felt that pain right along with him.

His breaths slowed down until I knew for sure that he was sound asleep. His lips were slightly parted as he sucked in a bit of air. I softly brushed my fingers over his plush cheeks. It was certain. I would never leave his side again unless some cruel god tore me from him while I was kicking and screaming. No, I would not leave my perfect angel ever.

It may not mean much to a single person in this world, but I have left all of my cold past behind me where it belongs. I am determined to live life as I should and feel every emotion possible. I will take the good with the bad and go on living. I will not be dead any longer. By Ra, I swear.

  
  
_---I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need---_

  
  
I moan with pleasure from the comforting warmth enveloping me. Almost refusing to open my eyes I peer through the slits to see what that heat is coming from. My eyes fly open in pure shock to see a sleeping Yami Bakura with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I am like a board at first but succumb to him like a bee drinking the most succulent honey. I press my face into his chest and wrap my arms around his.

After maybe a half hour he starts to stir and I pull him in closer to me. His body tightens at first then he softens into my touch. I raise my head to look up at him. The corner of his mouth twitches into a slight smile. Well, little by little, right? I lean up and press my lips to his. His lips quiver slightly as I feel the pressure returned unto mine.

Before I even know it tears are streaming down my face and I am holding him like there was no tomorrow. He can't leave me, I won't allow it. He gently lifts my chins up and loving presses his lips to my checks where the tears have fallen. Then I notice that there are also tears in his eyes. I press my lips to his again and this time use my tongue to open his mouth. He accepts me in as we share one of the most to die for and passionate kisses even a romance novelist couldn't describe.

His lips press up to my ear, "I love you, Ryou Bakura."

My eyes widen as I wisper back, "I love you, too, Yami Bakura. I have always and always will.

  
  
_---I believe that I would cry just a litte  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me---_

  
  
Pluto: Ok, ok? Was that extremely cheesy? Please review and tell me!

Charon: *sobbing crazily* THAT WAS TOO SWEET!!

Neptune: Freak... 


End file.
